Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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