I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
