State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
