It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
