He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
