dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
No subtext here. People are naked.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
