So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
