I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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