My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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