Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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