I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
