tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
