He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
