just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
