if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
