There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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