I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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