I feel like abortions should bother me more
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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