I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Randomize
