im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
