"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Randomize
