i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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