i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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