I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
