do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
