you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
