he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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