Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
