you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
