Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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