Can Purell be used as lube?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Randomize
