is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
