i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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