Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
