life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
