so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
