: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
