seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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