why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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