Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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