i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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