I wannas sexs uuuuu
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
