Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
