My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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