its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
