So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
