I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
