Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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