You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
