She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
