it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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