Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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